Poetry in Motion
I know how you always like the way
How I smile at you and say,
You're the reason that makes my day
Feel like heaven everyday
You flush red
And it tint your pinkly cheeks
As I kiss your sweetly candy lips
You put your hands
At the back of my shoulders
As we lie inside the bedsheet cover
We make love
And set poetry in motion
As we lie inside the bedsheet cover
And get lost in the sea of blankets
Embracing tight
While holding each other
I love the way your hair falls in your face
Especially when it dangles around my waist
As I can smell the tropical scent
Of Ocean Breeze and Coconut Mint
You look at me
And I'm lost at those hazel eyes
Then you quickly flash a pretty smile
As if you are telling me,
Here I am hold me
Here I am take me
We make love
And set poetry in motion
As we lie inside the bedsheet cover
And get lost in the sea of blankets
Embracing tight
While holding each other
I'll say the things you always want to hear
(Want to hear)
I'll do the things you want always want to feel
(Want to feel)
Tell me anything you want to do
(Want to do)
Repeat until fade
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Canary word: Present
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125,012 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
This why I hate ballads...
Hmm...
I agree with Kit, about the Skin On Skin feel, which is good because I really love that song.
Alas, I have a few complaints.
1. you rhymed everyday with day. >_<
2. It was kind of-sort of cliche. Just a tad.
3. I had a bit of a hard time finding rythm here, but it might work as a song, and Im just not seeing it.
Eh, it was pretty good, besides that.
You don't need to remind me. Someone already did.
I noticed that you've posted A LOT of stuff lately. Please don't do this--you must not have seen the rules. Try not to post more than one new thing in a day, and critique other people's stuff before you post your own, and keep the ratio of critiques to new posts at 2:1. That's about it.
I can't say this is my taste. Cliche, as Kit said. Rather like ten thousand pop songs I've heard before, and so, I have zero interest in it.
At its best moment's it's got this Queens of the Stoneage "Skin on Skin" feel.
That's my favourite line. "pinkly cheeks" is lovely.
Cliche. Sorry, but it is. And 'we make love' is wishy-washy, it needs stronger imagery, or exclude it.
But this has potential.